ON CARE NETWORKS AND HYPHAE

This piece was originally written and published March 17, 2019 on www.queerfutures.com by sav schlauderaff

When I speak about care networks, I imagine the roots in the forest The xylem and phloem passing up and down the trees from their roots to the veins of the leaves hanging off the branches. Determined by the environment, nutrients and needs. That these needs shift and change with the seasons. Translocation requires communication and energy; and teaches us that the parts of the plants that make the energy for the tree transport it to places that can’t. When I speak about care networks, I imagine us as a fairy circle Small, low mushrooms on a patch of grass just behind my house Our mycelium, soft and connected below in the wet damp dirt The hyphae growing towards each other And not at all something like a rhizome that academics like to talk about I imagine us sitting in our new homes Just like we are now The necessity of technology now to facilitate our conversations You, in a forest way up in northern california Me, in a desert with horses across a now dried up river bank You, making the perfect tea 12 time zones away You, on a beach sitting in the sun You, contemplating bangs for the fifth time You, always so far, so busy, so sad, so tired. We’re all so tired I’ll give you my energy when I can Just call me along our not-so-imaginary roots We’re all connected by thread like that one Fiona Apple music video I’ll remember to be honest when I call I won’t say I’m fine But I think our roots need some tending They are being stretched so thin lately I fear they will snap Will they repair once we are back together? Once we feel better? Once we’re not so tired, and sad, and lonely, and in pain? Can you feel my pain too? How can we remember not to pass our pain on to each other? Can we transform it into an energy that will feed and support us? I have so many questions, but for now I just miss You.

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Sav is a trans, queer and disabled PhD student in Gender and Women’s Studies at the University of Arizona in Tucson. Their research in critical disability studies questions the ways chronically ill individuals engage with mainstream medicine, biotechnology, biohacking and alternative forms of healing. As well as the interconnections between trauma, chronic illness, pain, (embodied/felt) memory, and self care/community care for the bodymindspirit. Sav utilizes their academic training in genetics, molecular biology and gender studies with autobiography, poetry and new media. They graduated from San Diego State University in 2018 with their M.A. in Women's Studies, where they completed their thesis "Rejecting the Desire for 'Health': Centering Crip Bodyminds in Genetic Testing"--bridging their undergraduate degrees in Genetics, Cell Biology and Development (GCD) and Gender, Women, and Sexuality Studies (GWSS) from the University of Minnesota--Twin Cities. Beyond, and intertwining with, their academic research, Sav is passionate about education, activism and community building especially around the LGBTQIA+ communities, trauma/PTSD, eating disorder recovery, and disability--in addition to the multiple intersections of these topics and identities. They always strive to create accessible, intersectional, collaborative and intentional workshops and lectures. They have worked to create interactive workshops, classrooms, internship programming, and mentorship connections with undergraduates and high school students centering the values of radical vulnerability, kindness, listening, and meaningful reflection. Outside of research, they are currently the Graduate Assistant at the Disability Cultural Center, a Safe Zone facilitator at the LGBTQ+ Resource Center, and a member of the Disability Studies Initiative at the University of Arizona. Sav is a co-founder of "The Queer Futures Collective" where they experiment with different forms of writing, workshops, and performances in-person and online. Sav integrates reflective journaling with theoretic work in their Sunday Sentiments articles, and creates accessible teaching materials and handouts that are free for users to download.